Helsinki peruuntuu (taas)

Yrityksemme päästä Helsinkiin meuhkaamaan epäonnistuvat kerta toisensa jälkeen. Huominen keikka Hard Rock Housessa Vapahtajan ja Terveyskeskuksen kanssa siirtyi nyt jonnekin keväälle. Jos korona suo vielä silloinkaan.

Tässä lohdutukseksi kuvia Tampereelta, jossa oli taas kivaa. Flunssaista Mikkoa tuurasi sektiollinen kazoopillejä, joista pari kuoli Moilun käsittelyssä. (Tietääksemme Mikko selviytyi kotonaan loikoilusta hengissä.)

Keikka poiki heti lisää esiintymistilaisuuksia. Meitä vokoteltiin punkkifestareille kesäksi, ja virittelimme yhteistyökuvioita skifflebändi Tulevien anoppien kanssa, jonka jäseniä oli paikalla.

Muistaakseni loppuillasta idea oli vaihtaa päittäin biisejä bändin kanssa. He soittaisivat meitä ja me heitä. Ei se näin selvin päinkään kohnommalta idealta tunnu.

Kävimme jälleen myös Jyväskylässä. Aluksi yleisö Sherwoodissa koostui yhdestä salaliittoteorioita itsekseen höpisseestä jurottajasta, mutta puoliväliin mennessä vaakasuoraan sataneen rännän läpi paikalle sentään puski kourallinen ihmisiä.

Halal seitanin sanat selityksin

Allah on suuri! Sheikh Speare käänsi ystävällisesti tuoreimman ep:mme arabiaksi lauletun nimibiisin englanniksi – ja lisäsipä vielä selityksetkin käännöksen mukaan.

Olkaa hyvä, alla oivallinen pikakurssi arabian kieleen sekä marokkolaiseen kulttuuriin. Käytetystä translitteroinnista löytyy lyhyt esittelyvideo täältä.

Halal Seitan

Ramdan jayy o 9awwednaha
Ramadan is approaching and we’re fucked

l9at3a lkabta o ri7t snan
Nicotine and sex craving, and armpit smell (everybody’s more sexually frustrated than usual, and in need of nicotine during Ramadan. Smoking + sex + masturbation aren’t allowed. Also, some think that deodorant ruins one’s fast => some public spaces smell like armpits)

kollchi mkachkach, mn gher lli mkhabbi m7achach
Everybody’s irritated, except those who are stoned in secret (m7achach= high on hashish)

toilette twelli cuzina, zerda raibi o merendina
Toilets become kitchens. Raïbi and Merendina become feast (non-believers seek refuge in toilets where they can eat in secret. Raïbi (local strawberry yogurt) and Meredina (local génoise cake) became somehow the poor non-believer’s go-to ramadan toilet snack)

o robinet ya dellali, ahsan mn ayy whiskey
And the tap becomes better than any whisky

kifach mat3bedch, seitan.
So how could you not worship… Seitan.

(Next verse is about the basic holier-than-thou bearded cunt who preaches what to do and what not to do during Ramadan)

gallik nadafa mina l’iman, houa m7arram m3joun l’asnan
He’ll tell you that “cleanliness is part of faith” while he’s made toothpaste haram (the quote is attributed to Mohammed, tells believers that being clean is good, but many believers think that using toothpaste will ruin your fast => bad breath is also quite common during the holy month)

zaydha b7ellan zook, boule7ia ser fti 3la mok
He’ll add ”ass opening” to that (Moroccan expression meaning talking a lot, preaching, sermonizing…), boule7ia (literally “bearded one”, synonym for self-righteous male believer) go preach to your mom (doesn’t make much sense in English, but in Moroccan Arabic, it’s a proper burn to just take whichever annoying deed someone’s annoying you with, and tell them to go do the same to their mom)

lahouma kafer o mdouwech ola ji3an o khanez o mkhonej
Better be kafer (misbeliever) and straight out of the shower, rather than a starving stinky “brother” (related the Muslim Brotherhood). This loses it’s meaning when translated. it’s a Moroccan turn of phrase with religious connotation used in a satirical way with alliteration that makes it sound funny

ikaffar ikaffat, ikarrar ftkhawar
He does Takfir (the action or practice of declaring that a fellow Muslim is guilty of apostasy), and he repeats “tkhawar”. Word literally means “ass fingering” but figuratively means “talking bullshit”

moul lballon hsab lkerro tutankhamon
The owner of the ball thinks he is Tutankhamun. “Owner of the ball” is an expression in Moroccan, it means “boss” or whoever’s in charge. Comes from kids’ football playing jargon. The owner of the ball is the most important kid, controls the rules of the game, when the game starts/stops. In this case, it’s a cryptic dig at the king. I once heard a drunkard annoyed at someone saying “do you think you’re Tutankhamun?” as in “who the fuck do you think you are”. I started using it also.

aweddi bla bina kortek ma tswa kheria
Without us your ball ain’t worth shit. (still using the kids/football metaphor, and “ma tswa kheria” literally means “ain’t worth shit”. Finally something that doesn’t need the cultural context :D )

hati 7alal seitan ya khaniza lbaytan
Gimme Halal Seitan you stinky armpits mofo (said in classic Arabic but with some Moroccan Arabic word. Gives a grotesque/absurd connotation to something that is pompous sounding)

wach m3ana ola m3a ghana ola lbotswana
Are you with us or with Ghana, or even Botswana? (“M3ana ola m3a Ghana/Are you with us or Ghana” is a silly question we use that literally means “are you with or against us, I added “or even Botswana” just because it rhymes, makes it even more cryptic, Botswana is super far away and always thought it sounds funny in Moroccan Arabic)

(Back to the basic sanctimonious bearded fuck in the last verse, but with more puns/rhymes than substance)

ra hadchi ma khddamchi
This can’t work anymore

7elel 7arram 7errar lhayt
Make this halal, make that haram, make it spicier/hotter (meaning, this preaching attitude cannot go on forever. “7ellel, 7arram, 7arrar” = “make halal, make haram, make smth hotter”. Many street food vendors are fundamentalist Muslims, that’s why I’m saying ”you can’t just make this thing halal, make that thing haram, and make that other thing [sandwich] spicier, on a whim”

dowe9ni mn lfrayt, ra ghant9law bla zayt
Gimme some of those fries, we’re getting fried without oil. (still puns and rhymes for the fuck of it, over the theme of food [stereotypes about street food muslims], ”Getting fried without oil” is an expression meaning we’re gonna be dealing with a bad situation, we’re in deep shit…

toilette twelli kozina, zerda raibi o merendina…
Toilets become kitchens… etc